I want you to appreciate me at any cost!

The afternoon was nearly perfect. The temperature was in the upper 70s and there was a nice breeze. Wispy clouds were floating by occasionally, dimming the afternoon sun. A friend came by and we decided to sit along the banks of the stream that flows past our home.

I was feeling a bit blue and wasn’t quite sure why. As we reminisced, it dawned on me that I was feeling unappreciated. This feeling isn’t new. In fact, it’s a feeling that has created great mischief in the past. I was also feeling frustrated with myself. I thought I had moved past this need.

So much for that idea! Now, I understand that my desire to be appreciated comes from a belief that if others appreciate me, I must being doing something that’s valuable. When I feel something is missing in my life, I want that hollow place to be filled by the kind words of others. I want to hear how much I’ve helped you, or how you feel what I’m doing is really wonderful.

What am I willing to do to get you to say these things that I feel will fill my inner wanting? I might do things for you so you will say good things about me, or at least express appreciation. This means that I have a price tag for what I offer you that I never express – so much for integrity. I also may do things for you, and if you don’t give me the unspoken token of appreciation, I become irritated with you for your lack of appreciation. All in all, my need to feel good comes with such a big cost.

So what to do? I could say erase all my neediness. Ok, that would certainly do the trick, but I don’t think many of us are going to experience that by the end of today. What I can do is be kind to myself. Most of my needs, desires and wants are underground. When they poke their head up, I either pretend they aren’t there or I try to use some force to push them back down. We know these strategies don’t work particularly well.

When I’m accepting of my needs, I don’t indulge them. Rather, I love myself with these needs. Just this simple act creates a change that many call a miracle. Go ahead, give it a try, and see for yourself.

Author: Thomas White

Over the past thirty-five years, Thomas White has created and led private and public organizations that initiated breakthroughs in areas as diverse as computer software, publishing, printing, market research, leadership development and organizational change. The common ingredients in his success are simple. He looked beyond the limitations that others believed and found real solutions to needs that business leaders have. He attracted the best talent to translate these innovative solutions into practical products and services that were of high value to customers. He created cultures where people love what they do, work at their best and produce extraordinary results. In addition to his role as a business leader, Thomas has been a pioneer and inventor of technologies in the computer-networking field. He is a patent holder for innovations in business process and workflow technology. As part of his passion for educating others about the interface of human and computer systems, he was the co-author of “New Tools for New Times, The Workflow Paradigm”. He has also written articles for numerous publications. In 2001, he turned his attention from leading companies to supporting leadership teams in creating organizations of excellence. After many years of being a part of the machine of change, Thomas recognized that business is the most powerful force in the world. It has a major impact on public policy and governments everywhere. It is a key influence on how we use our resources and sets an example of the values that shape communities from local to global. He formed the consulting firm of Profoundly Simple to be a guide for exemplary leaders - leaders who wisely uses the power they are entrusted with to serve their constituencies first and themselves second; leaders who know that it is good business to treat people with respect, honor the environment and act with impeccable integrity – leaders who inspire greatness in those around them and by doing so create great organizations that are notable examples of success. Feeling the itch to get back into the game again, Thomas joined with two long time friends, to start the C-Suite Network. This network of business leaders offers an online network, events, services, and insights to its 500,000 member community. In addition, the C-Suite Network produces and distributes television and radio content to an audience of over 5M per month

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