For most of my adult life, I’ve been restless. Traveling over 4 million miles, I was in constant motion. In business, I was on the hunt for the next “deal”. At home, I was striving to have new experiences to take the edge off a boredom I felt. I was in search of home.
I was looking everywhere for a feeling of contentment that I sensed was home. I turned over every rock I could find and in some moments thought I had found the secret of home only to realize my discovery wasn’t home. Some times this quest was augmented with a yearning for intimate partnership. Maybe I couldn’t find home until I had the perfect relationship.
About five years ago, it began to dawn on me that home wasn’t a place. This realization didn’t come all of a sudden. I have been looking within since 1984. I have seen glimpses of home, and then it would slip away. Maybe it was discomfort with seeing myself unembellished by my ego. Whatever the reason, I kept looking hoping home would appear soon, as I was growing tired of the search.
Still, it took four more years for me to become certain where home is. Over the four years, I would feel I was totally clear, only to feel a yearning to go somewhere else. “The mountains are calling me” was the chant of the still restless spirit within. As that thought arose one day, I stopped and felt what was provoking this discontent.
I still hadn’t take the final step. I hadn’t accepted that home isn’t a place. It’s a state of being. Home is me. When I stop yearning and looking around for what’s missing, home is present. This feeling is now my constant companion. I haven’t felt a longing to explore other places in some time. I am now experiencing a home space that is exactly like my inner feeling of home.
I’m also not so keen on getting on airplanes. I still do, from time to time, but it’s never to go somewhere continue seeking home. I now feel contentment, and that’s tells me more than anything I’m home.
How about you? Do you feel yearnings for something that you don’t have in your life? Maybe you already have it and just don’t see it yet. A thought to take you into this weekend.