Yesterday, I committed to take note today of my judgments and stories. The day’s not over, but it’s time to write, so you’re getting a work in progress. I quickly recognized themes for my judgements. One of my favorite themes is about something that happened in the past where I don’t like how things turned out. As soon as I arose this morning, I noticed I was thinking about someone whom I felt I had a big contribution to their life and they never appreciated that contribution. I wanted to call them to help them see how valuable I had been. As I sat with this judgment, I could feel a very elaborate story I’ve told myself that justified my judgment.
As soon as I was aware of this judgment, I sat with it until I felt all of its aspects. Soon it began to unravel. I knew this judgment was connected to my inner sense that I’m not enough. Something I have worked with this many years. Simply knowing I’m enough, and nothing is missing, doesn’t necessarily wash away old beliefs and emotions. Those are resolved by the process I followed.
Another theme I noticed is worrying that in the future I will not have enough – enough money, food, time, sex, stuff I want. This worry is often subtle, yet not very far below the surface. When I look at my current situation, I’m clear I have all that I need. Just like when I looking backward at some perceived slight, I know my emotional response originates in me. Yet, knowing this doesn’t keep me from experiencing emotional reactions to my thoughts, and the stories about why these fears are real are very convincing.
In the past, I would have spent time figuring out why I have these judgments and stories. Often now I recognize them as they arise. As I do, I have the opportunity to allow love to rise up and meet the judgments. When I began to playing with this, it sounded peculiar to let love rise up. I mean, how is this possible? Yet, that’s how it works.
At my core (yours too, for that matter), I am love. If I stop and allow myself to feel love, it will seem to rise up and fill my perceptions. All this requires is remembering I am filled with love (which also means acceptance). As I accept my thoughts (That doesn’t mean I act as if they are true. Rather,I see them for what they are), I accept myself. I stop the inner tension that comes from either denial of my thoughts and emotions or condemnation of myself because of them. This is the time when I can begin to experience true resolution, the only way it’s possible actually, by being present with unconditional love.
My exploration will continue through the balance of the day (actually it’s something I will do everyday). The more I observe myself without judgment, feel my emotions without letting them take control of my experiences and allow love to rise, the clearer everything becomes and the more peace I feel.
One of my friends, David, who often comments on the blog, committed to follow this practice today. How about you? It could be the beginning of a new chapter of your life!