Acceptance

wise man statue

First a short traditional Zen Buddhist story:

In a small hut, Hakuin live a quiet life devoted to monastic purity. When the young unmarried daughter of a the village grocer became pregnant, she named Hakuin as the father. Her outraged parnts went to Hakuin and charged him with the deed. Hakuin simply said, “Is that so?”

When the child was born, once again the parents came to Hakuin. They handed him the baby and demanded he take responsibility for raising it. Hakuin said, “Is that so!” and took the baby in his arms. He dutifully began to look after the infant.

A year later, the young woman could bear it no longer. She confessed that the real father was a young man who worked in a nearby fishmarket. The parents went to Hakiun once more, this time making deep apologies, and asked him to return the child. Hakuin said only, “Is that so” and gave the baby back to them.

I have been reflecting on this story for the past few weeks. First, I couldn’t imagine myself having the detachment of this master. Here a noble man allowed someone to accuse him of an act that was in total violation of all that he exemplified. He never defended himself or tried to dissuade the parents that he was not the father of the child.

How often has someone accused me of something and my first reaction was an aggressive defense of myself. I was determined to show the other person that not only were they wrong and I was right; there was some flaw in them that would have them think such a thing about me. Never once did I consider them. Never once did I consider how some aspect of what they said might ring true. Never once did I care about anything but looking good.

Another part of the lesson comes when the “truth” is discovered. The parents ask for forgiveness and the master only accepts then without response. He shows me the great gift of compassion. For there is nothing that need be said.

Again as I look within, I see times when I was falsely accused of something. If I didn’t at first get the impression corrected, I was always waiting for the other person to “see the light”. If they did, I would be “gracious” on the surface and truthfully I would be pushing them to do something to make up for the “injustice” they had perpetrated upon me.

As I look around, I can see defensiveness and righteousness throughout the corporate world. So much time is spent in who is right rather than on how can we best serve.

What does this story mean to you?

Until later.

Thomas

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Author: Thomas White

Over the past thirty-five years, Thomas White has created and led private and public organizations that initiated breakthroughs in areas as diverse as computer software, publishing, printing, market research, leadership development and organizational change. The common ingredients in his success are simple. He looked beyond the limitations that others believed and found real solutions to needs that business leaders have. He attracted the best talent to translate these innovative solutions into practical products and services that were of high value to customers. He created cultures where people love what they do, work at their best and produce extraordinary results. In addition to his role as a business leader, Thomas has been a pioneer and inventor of technologies in the computer-networking field. He is a patent holder for innovations in business process and workflow technology. As part of his passion for educating others about the interface of human and computer systems, he was the co-author of “New Tools for New Times, The Workflow Paradigm”. He has also written articles for numerous publications. In 2001, he turned his attention from leading companies to supporting leadership teams in creating organizations of excellence. After many years of being a part of the machine of change, Thomas recognized that business is the most powerful force in the world. It has a major impact on public policy and governments everywhere. It is a key influence on how we use our resources and sets an example of the values that shape communities from local to global. He formed the consulting firm of Profoundly Simple to be a guide for exemplary leaders - leaders who wisely uses the power they are entrusted with to serve their constituencies first and themselves second; leaders who know that it is good business to treat people with respect, honor the environment and act with impeccable integrity – leaders who inspire greatness in those around them and by doing so create great organizations that are notable examples of success. Feeling the itch to get back into the game again, Thomas joined with two long time friends, to start the C-Suite Network. This network of business leaders offers an online network, events, services, and insights to its 500,000 member community. In addition, the C-Suite Network produces and distributes television and radio content to an audience of over 5M per month

1 thought on “Acceptance”

  1. Hi Thomas,
    I just wrote a post about issues that I see around the recent push to build self esteem. In my opinion, from my work on myself and with my daughter, we’ve gotten mixed up about what is our fundamental human worth and our constant tendency to assess ourselves and others.

    Assessing ourselves is a good thing – so that we can see what we’re doing well, what we’re not doing so well, where we can improve ourselves and where we might want to focus more energy because it’s one of our strengths. Failure is just a learning opportunity.

    Yet, I find myself, my children and others in the workplace judging themselves but then linking it to their worth as a human being. What I mean is that when we fail at something, we feel like that means that we’re a “bad” person – rather than just seeing it as a sign that we have something to learn.

    I think the feelings that this judgement of our self worth brings up is also what is behind the reactions that you refer to – when we feel the need to defend ourselves, when we fight back, when we feel the need to say “see, I TOLD you I was right…”

    If you like, check out http://www.iwasthinking.ca/2008/09/05/the-problem-with-building-high-self-esteem/

    I think you’re completely right that it is a fundamental self-acceptance that allows us to be present during any interaction or conflict.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly and eloquently!
    Heidi

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