Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth move faster than your mind. – Evan Esar
I have been working through a situation that has taken a great deal of my attention. A friend who is also a client made repeated promises to me concerning a contract. I was assured of the terms of the contract were agreed to and the paperwork would be forthcoming. A few days ago, I was informed that the terms had dramatically changed.
The lessons for me have been pouring forth. For one thing, I wondered why I would place confidence in someone who is not reliable. I realized that I did this because I wanted something. I wanted the security that the promised contract brought me. Rather than focus only on how I could be in service, I was focused as much on the money that was going to flow my way. I find that any time that I get focused on the money first I am out of integrity. This person was showing me my own unreliability and I am grateful for that.
Another lesson is how to feel something, such as anger and not let it take over my life. It is understandable that I would feel anger. I could hear a little voice saying, “you teach people not to be attached to their feelings so you shouldn’t feel this emotion of anger.” That is not real. I did feel it. I let it rise up and engulf my whole body. What I didn’t do it allow myself to take any action from this place of anger. The anger became a teacher for me. As I was feeling this anger, I could feel times where I had betrayed this person. I could feel times when I had been out of integrity. I could feel times when I feel unsupported. I could feel my anger with myself.
As each layer of awareness appeared, I was able to claim these feelings and own my responsibility for my past actions. As I was doing this, freedom came over me. I no longer felt anger. In fact, what I was feeling was forgiveness of myself. The feelings I had toward the other person were calm and I can feel gratitude and peace.
What a ride.