Is A Promise a Promise – Part II

Yesterday, I was talking about when a promise is a promise, and concluded that a promise is always a promise. As I was reflecting more about this, I realized I left one important stone unturned. What about promises I make to myself?

A clear example of promises made to myself are New Years resolutions. I get all fired up at the end of the year about all that I’m going to change in the new year. A popular resolution is losing weight or getting in better physical condition. January is a boom time for gyms. During the first week of January, people charge into the gym, sign up for a membership and buy some new gym clothes. As the weeks of the new year go by, gym attendance drops rapidly.

Other popular resolutions are about money. Maybe, I want to spend less so I can save. I could also want to change my income by getting a new job or cut my debts by paying off my credit cards. Whatever the resolution, I find that by sometime in February, the enthusiasm of the resolution has waned and I’m slowly moving back into my old patterns.

So why do I do such a poor job of keeping promises to myself?  The only way to answer the question truthfully is to tell you about my experiences. For starters, I seem to have a selective case of amnesia about certain categories of personal promises. For instance, when it comes to things like food, I am clear about what’s good for me and not. I promise to only eat food that good for me and then the little voice says things like, “You’ve done so well lately, what’s a little bowl of ice cream?” or “Surely one piece of candy can’t be bad for you.”. What creates this amnesia? It’s my lack of awareness of the automatic nature of how I choose the food I eat. All diet programs that last beyond the initial program phase help the dieter become aware of what they are eating before it goes in their mouth, and whether it’s good for them or not.

The second reason, it seems hard to keep promises to myself is that I don’t see myself so clearly. When I make a promise to you and don’t do it, I have to face you. So to not have you think poorly of me, I’m more likely to do what I promise to you than myself.

This is connected to the third reason I don’t do as well keeping promises to myself as to others, which is that I have a very active rationalizer. I can make up a good story about why something I promised myself isn’t really that important. Since I don’t have to tell that story to anyone but myself, I don’t get a lot of push back.

The irony of all this is that the most important person for me to keep my promise to is myself. If I don’t start with me, how can I know I’ll be reliable with you? Today is another day, and I can start anew. I write everyday. This writing includes some things I don’t publish. In this writing, I check where I’m in integrity and where I’m not. Through this practice of self-reflection, I find that I’m becoming more reliable to myself.

What do you do that helps you be more reliable to the person you see in the mirror?

Who decides?

Freedom is being able to live with the consequences of your decisions!

I was reading the magazine, The Week and came across a section on recommended books. The author Paulo Coelho was listing his favorite books. Now I am a fan of the author, particularly his book, “The Alchemist”. Immediately I began reading the description of the books he recommended with an inner desire to make sure that I took to heart what he felt was important. I could feel my sense of urgency rising to make sure that I immediately went out and read what he felt were the important books of our time.

Wait a minute. What am I doing? I am letting someone else decide for me what is important. Why am I doing that? I ascribe to this author power to know something that I didn’t – what are the best books to read. I thought ,”how often do I relinquish my choices to someone else?” In this case, I experienced an inner dialogue that said, “he is really famous and a good writer and you want to be like him, so you better pay attention to what he says.”

This was just an small incident, yet it showed me that I can often give the power for deciding what’s important to me to someone else. I do it because I don’t want the responsibility for the decision.  I may also delegate this choice because I don’t want to take the time to understand the criteria I have for determining what is important to me. It becomes “easy” to just accept someone else’s point of view. This could be as simple as reading religiously a movie critics view on a film I want to see or accepting as truth the perspective of a political commentator.

What to do… well I am going to stop letting others decided for me. I have a sense that it will take a bit of attention at first. I have to change this life-long pattern of delegating my power to others. I’m going to make choices by using the criteria I have for what is important to me and not let others point of view be the deciding factor.

I can’t wait to see what happens.

Until later,

Thomas

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Leadership Lesson – Democratic Nominee – Part 1

There’s not a liberal America and a conservative America – there’s the United States of America. – Barack Obama

I have been studying the leadership characteristics of the leading candidates for presidency. I find it fascinating to watch the different approaches and styles and see the impact each has on both voters and those who are part of the inner workings of the campaigns.

This morning as I was reading another analysis of the recently concluded Democratic campaigns, I was struck by two simple differences between the campaign of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. The first is design of their teams. Senator Clinton’s team was made up of lfriends and political operatives who have long history with the Clintons. This team was thought to be the best in the Democratic party and is well known for its past successes. It could rightly be said that they almost pulled of a success this time around as well. Yet as the dust settles and the results are now clear , they did not make it across the finish line. This team operated with a hub and spoke approach. All key decisions were made at the center and communicated to the field for execution. I have watch the decline of this style over the past 15 years and some of its challenges showed up on this campaign.

For one thing, who knows better what the needs of Iowans are than Iowans. By sharing information about the campaign’s supporters and contributors with its grass roots organization, the Obama team placed one of a campaign’s most precious assets , its supporter information, in the hands of those it didn’t directly control. This approach is new in national politics and proved effective.

In no case did you hear of this trust being violated by this information being inappropriately shared with others. In the Tao it is written, “Look with trust and you will find it” is one of the most powerful axioms that any leader can instill in their team and it appears that Senator Obama has been a great example for us all in this regard.

Another stark difference is how money was spent. In the Clinton campaign, Hillary’s key spokesman Howard Wolfson’s firm was paid $266,000 for a month’s worth of service, while Senator Obama’s spokesman was paid $144,000 for the past twelve months. There are numerous examples of this new approach to how to fiscally operate a campaign in an excellent article in Time Magazine website, titled, How he did it.

I will write more over the next month on the lesson learned from the Democratic race and what we can learn from it as leaders.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: Accountability, authenticity, culture, inspiration, leadership, Philosophy, values, Wisdom