Thank you!

Yesterday was my wife’s birthday. Sherry supports me, without hesitation, offering unconditional love. She is an amazing mother to our children, and a mirror that helps me see what I can not. This is a gift that is beyond words. I am very strong willed. At times, when she offers a reflection that is not in keeping with my self-image, the reaction can be harsh and unloving.

Still she jumps in with love to help me with my calling and in finding the beauty that lies within. I have felt this type of relationship in my dreams. I wasn’t sure if I would be capable of receiving pure love and giving it in return so I had resigned myself to life without the partnership of the beloved. Surprise, it is now my constant companion. I know my contribution to making this possible and I know hers.

During this time of celebration of her birth, I tell you of her virtues not to inflate her ego, but to let her know that I see her and my gratitude is boundless.

You also benefit from her care. Until I began writing again, I edited my own words. If you are a writer, you know this is never the best way. She carefully reads everything, makes helpful suggestions and reminds me to write with authenticity when I don’t.

Happy Birthday Dear Beloved.

Michael – Zen Teacher of Gratitude

Today I was sitting in our living room when Michael, our 3-year old, turns from his play and asks me a simple question. “Papa, did you buy Thomas (the tank engine) for me?” “Yes, mom and I did.” “Did you buy Percy (another Thomas character) for me?” “Yes, MIchael, mom and I did.”

“Oh, thank you Papa!”. The genuineness of this appreciation was clear. The amazing thing is, he regularly asks me these questions, and each time he express his appreciation as if we had purchased the toy just minutes before.

As I was considering this interaction, I realized what a teacher this little one is. How often do I take for granted everything in my world. Sure, I might appreciate something when it is new or when I specifically reflect on what I am grateful for. What Michael was showing me is that gratitude is a constant feeling.

Each time that Michael plays with his toys, it’s like the first time for him. He remembers how he received the toy. He remembers who gave him the toy. He then feels appreciation for the toy and for the giver. He is filled with joy and gratitude.

What would happen if I treated each moment like Michael? All that I encounter is fresh, and I appreciate it anew in that moment. What joy my life would be filled with! I am sure that I would not have room for anger or fear if I am living this way.

Until later,
Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, children, Gratitude, humanity, humility, Truth, Wisdom

In Memory – Alex Elyjiw

This morning was a good morning to wake up. It was the date of celebration of my birth. I looked around me and saw our younger children and my wife asleep and felt contentment. I grabbed my IPhone, which had signaled me it was time to awake and walked into the bathroom for a good teeth brushing.

As I sat down to see what was ahead in my day, I glanced at an email from a business colleague. He was giving me some information concerning an upcoming trip and at the end of his note, he said that he wanted to share some sad news. Alex Elyjiw had died over the weekend.

I often don’t have a strong response to hearing such news. This time was different. I haven’t know Alex for long and our relationship didn’t extend beyond the office. Yet I feel that I knew him in a way that was very personal. When we first met, he was getting ready to go visit his son who lives in Florida with his mom and step-dad. Alex was clearly excited about spending time with Lucas. He was also remarking about the respectful relationship he had with his former wife and her husband. Whatever the issues they may have had that lead to their divorce there were long in the past.

I saw Alex a week or so after his Florida trip and he was filled with such love of his son and an exuberance to share all parts of his trip including many pictures. This passion for life carried over into his life with his fiance and his friends fortunately for me to his relationships at work. I always felt more alive after a visit with him.

What got me thinking though was not so much the question of mortality, but the question of relationships. I realize that I can have at times an almost transactional nature to relationships. These are relationships that I put time into because I am involved with some work related project with the other person. When our work involvement stops for a while, then I will often fall out of connection with that person. In the case of Alex, after the project we were working on concluded, I put my attention elsewhere.

What a loss for me. By my neglect, I missed out continuing to be in the presence of this wonderful man. As I considered this more today, I can look back over my life and see lots of times when I moved on with other people as well. I was too busy with doing to allow myself to be with those that touch my life and I theirs.

What a poignant reminder on my birthday. Alex you are remembered with love,

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, Gratitude, humility, Imagination, Practices, Relocalization, Self, Self-sufficiency, Trust, Truth, Wisdom

What do you do when you feel?

Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth move faster than your mind. – Evan Esar

I have been working through a situation that has taken a great deal of my attention. A friend who is also a client made repeated promises to me concerning a contract. I was assured of the terms of the contract were agreed to and the paperwork would be forthcoming. A few days ago, I was informed that the terms had dramatically changed.

I was upset by this and in some way not surprised. I was upset for I had counted on this person’s word. I was not surprised because this person had not been reliable in the past.

The lessons for me have been pouring forth. For one thing, I wondered why I would place confidence in someone who is not reliable. I realized that I did this because I wanted something. I wanted the security that the promised contract brought me. Rather than focus only on how I could be in service, I was focused as much on the money that was going to flow my way. I find that any time that I get focused on the money first I am out of integrity. This person was showing me my own unreliability and I am grateful for that.

Another lesson is how to feel something, such as anger and not let it take over my life. It is understandable that I would feel anger. I could hear a little voice saying, “you teach people not to be attached to their feelings so you shouldn’t feel this emotion of anger.” That is not real. I did feel it. I let it rise up and engulf my whole body. What I didn’t do it allow myself to take any action from this place of anger. The anger became a teacher for me. As I was feeling this anger, I could feel times where I had betrayed this person. I could feel times when I had been out of integrity. I could feel times when I feel unsupported. I could feel my anger with myself.

As each layer of awareness appeared, I was able to claim these feelings and own my responsibility for my past actions. As I was doing this, freedom came over me. I no longer felt anger. In fact, what I was feeling was forgiveness of myself. The feelings I had toward the other person were calm and I can feel gratitude and peace.

What a ride.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, Feeling, Gratitude, integrity, Knowing, leadership, Peacefulness, Trust, Truth, Wisdom

What are you grateful for today?

Speeding along on the freeway of life,

The blur that passes could be almost anything.

My dog, the one whom I love, a painful moment.

Each experience is quickly lost in the press of motion and desire.

- Thomas White

In a life filled with activity, what have I stopped for today to truly appreciate? The more that I work with leaders around the world, the more I find that stopping and just taking a slow breath is forgotten. The press of moving quickly to find all the information that I can so I won’t miss anything. The desire to succeed in a increasingly competitive world. The restlessness of not knowing what will happen next in these times of great uncertainty. All these forces propel me forward and simply stopping and truly looking at the world is never considered.

The simple consequence of this perpetual motion is the loss of appreciation of beauty and gratitude for the amazing people whose lives mine touch each day.

Perhaps the greatest challenge for our humanity is not the ones that we spend so much time worrying about such as global warming or food shortages. Perhaps the greatest challenge to our humanity is remembering that one human heart touching another human heart is what is really important.

In appreciation,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, compassion, Gratitude, humility, Self