Mind the Gap

If you have ever ridden the London underground, you are familiar with the warning that’s painted on the boarding platform. This simple admonition is , “Mind the Gap.” As I was walking about this morning appreciating the freshness after a much needed rain, the gap between what I understand and my behaviors was, once again, in my face.

How is it that I “know” so much and this awareness doesn’t translate into behavior that is consistent with that knowing? I know the impact of worry. Doesn’t matter what the worry is. How much money I have. What others think of me. How I spend my time. The list seems endless. Each time, I take a breath and feel the cause of the worry, I always get the same answer. I’m putting my attention on the future. I am not living fully in this present moment.

I know that living fully right now, putting no attention on anything else, offers experiences that aren’t possible otherwise. Knowing this is great. Why do I act differently?

The answer to this question has been elusive until now. I didn’t expect to write the preceding sentence. The answer presented itself, and I am taking pause to feel the consequences of its revelation.

A bit of digression before I reveal the answer. Marianne Williamson wrote in her book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The foundation for the answer I received can be felt in this beautifully expressed writing. “Who are you not to be?” This simple question is at the crux of our human condition. I am provided indoctrination from early on that my life is filled with limitation. I can’t do something because we don’t have enough money. Someone like me wouldn’t ever be capable of some feat that requires being extraordinary. I’m only an insignificant being, after all.

This lie is told over and over again. The reasons vary, but generally revolve around the theme, “you don’t want to get too big for your breeches.” All sorts of adult “authority figures” believe they are saving me from the dire consequences of self-aggrandizement or preparing me for the harsh reality of what’s possible.

Their good intentions don’t negate the consequences. They are planting the seeds of my deep belief in my limitations. Once this process is begun, there are ample sources of evidence to confirm my deficiencies and limitations. The only problem is that the evidence is incomplete. It is discovered through the lens of beliefs of insufficiency. Kind of looking at a glass as half empty or half full.

Over time, my beliefs become so strong that I’m certain they are true. Sure, I may have momentary experiences that are outside these beliefs. Maybe I excel at an athletic event or accomplish something that seems impossible. Soon after the event, the old, ingrained beliefs are loudly pointing out that this was a fluke, and certainly not to be experienced again.

It was said that Steve Jobs created a ‘reality distortion field” around himself. When people talked with him, he would be so persuasive about what he was advocating that even if they believed something quite different at the beginning of the conversation, they were enrolled in his perspective by the end.

We all have the power to create our own “reality distortion field”. When some read this phrase, they may say, “Come on, we know it’s important to accept things as they are.” Yes, I absolutely agree. Accepting things as they are is vital for pragmatic living. The challenge I have (and I suspect you have as well) is seeing things as they are.

We look at the world through our personal reality. This reality is formed by so many influences. These influences take the form of beliefs that, for the most part, we are unaware of. I grew up in the south and have a fondness for certain southern accents. When someone starts talking in a slow, comforting cadence that elongates the vowels and lets the words move smoothly out of their mouths, I find my mood is happy. This person could be telling me things that I know are completely false, yet my love of their speaking voice, starts numbing my discernment, and I begin believing them.

We all have our blind spots. Ways we misperceive what’s real because of our likes and dislikes. Seeing the world as it is means being aware of this tendency and minding the gap. You see, this gap is created by misperception, reinforced over time. This misperception isn’t only in our thoughts. It is also in our automatic emotional and physical reactions.

Changing your world view is actually very easy if you’re willing to commit to one important principle. Be patient. In our culture, we want things to change RIGHT NOW. It’s not that instant change is impossible. It’s just that it doesn’t happen often. More likely change comes from taking one step, then the next, then the next.

If I remember patience, I start accumulating the benefit of change more quickly than I thought. Each day’s addition to being aware of what’s real deepens my experience. Which takes me back to the answer I received to the question, “Why do I act differently from what I know?”

I forget to ask one simple question. This question is different for each of us. My question is, “Is this moment the greatest moment of my life?” As I hold that question in my awareness, it becomes my reference point. If the answer is no, I remember I can have the greatest moment of my life, right now, and I do. If the answer is yes, I smile and allow myself to feel the amazement of this experience.

There is some misperception of the qualities of a greatest moment. Some will believe (and that’s the problem isn’t it?) that greatest moments are always about feeling happy. Sometimes that’s so, and at others times it’s not. Greatest moments are about experiencing everything possible, with no limitation, right now.

One of the most powerful examples of this, is my wife’s story about her labor with our youngest. She had heard a few women say that the most intense contractions of labor could be ecstatic. When she heard this, she felt disbelief. With our next youngest, her labor was fast. Start to finish, it was over in a few hours.

With our last child, labor seemed to go on and on. Her expectation of a quick delivery, simply wasn’t happening. As her labor continued, she started experiencing what she had previously disbelieved. The pain of the contractions, rather than something to cower from was a wave she rode. She felt bliss. There are photos of her in the birthing pool, at that time, filled with her radiance.

She was totally in the experience. She was not referencing what anyone else said about the pain, or her own experiences of previous deliveries. She was in the NOW. The experience that most call deeply painful was intense and joyful.

As I finish writing to you, I am filled with wonder. I have been moving in and out of great moments. There is a little voice that says this won’t last. I smile, and rather than give it my attention, ask the question, “Is this the greatest moment of my life?” Yes it is.

Is this the greatest moment of your life? If not, I invite you to let go of any disbelief, and join me in living in the experience of greatness.

Introspection and Leadership

In·tro·spec·tion – the act of looking within oneself. When I talk with leaders, they all agree they should take more time for introspection. When I ask them, “How would you do that?” They generally don’t have a clue.

Introspection needs a “pump primer”. I don’t simply sit in a chair and say to myself, “Well, what do I see?” Introspection is catalyzed by fully participating in activities that take me out of traditional conversations and into ones that touch my spirit. Some people read. Joseph Badaracco, a professor at the Harvard Business School, talks about the power of reading fiction for introspection in his book, Questions of Character: Illuminating the Heart of Leadership through Literature.

For others, it might be painting or horseback riding or carpentry. It’s about throwing oneself completely into this activity so that all the threads to the operational world are quieted and the act of introspection arises. Great leaders know the importance of this practice and they value it as much as a meeting with their most important constituents.

My personal practice for introspection is reading and writing poetry. When I lose myself into the feeling that comes from being with a poem, a mirror arises and I see myself in ways that were not possible before. A recent poem that touched my soul follows this post.

I encourage you to find your place to lose yourself. While I talk about leaders in this blog, I really mean you, for each of us is a leader in some way.

Until later,

Thomas

What Can I Say

What can I say that I have not said before?
So I’ll say it again.
The leaf has a song in it.
Stone is the face of patience.
Inside the river there is an unfinishable story
and you are somewhere in it
and it will never end until all ends.

Take your busy heart to the art museum and the
chamber of commerce
but take it also to the forest.
The song you heard singing in the leaf when you
were a child
is singing still.
I am of years lived, so far, seventy-four,
and the leaf is singing still.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Be Accountable

This topic of accountability goes far and deep. It is so important that we dedicated an hour to it on the January 29th Business Matters program.I offer you a very personal view of why I propose that accepting accountability for everything in your life may be the most important thing you can do.

We are a country where we blame others when things don’t go our way. We are clearly the most litigious country in the world with the highest per capita number of lawyers anywhere. I don’t think any of us believes that we have a culture that is more devious or more careless than the rest of the world. So why so many lawyers.

I know my thoughts may seem simplistic, and I still challenge you to consider the consequence of this situation. I suspect we have so many lawyers because we are afraid to be accountable.

When something doesn’t work out the way that we expect, often our first response is to find someone to blame. If I have a car accident, our first response is often, “what is wrong with the other driver, what is wrong with the maintenance of the streets, what is wrong with the way the manufacturing of the car”. The list goes on and on.

What would happen if the first question when something doesn’t work is, “what is my accountability?” This simple questions doesn’t absolve others from being accountable – I’ll address that in a minute. Let’s just stay with you.

If I start considering this question, “what is my accountability?” several possibilities appear. The first is that I can learn from the situation. In the case of the automobile accident, maybe I was also distracted, or maybe I was driving faster than necessary. The second outcome is a sense of having more control over my life. One of the big worries in this country is people feeling that they have lost control over what’s important in their lives. Well here’s a way to get that feeling back.

Let me address the issue of the accountability of others. I believe that we are all accountable for the situations we experience. That means that you are accountable and I am accountable. With this approach, we start honestly finding out how we both contributed to a situation. Then we can work together to create the kinds of outcomes we both would like to have.

On the January 29^th Business Matters program, we found that businesses that create cultures of more accountability have improved relationships with their customers, their shareholders and themselves. Not only that, they are more profitable.

Why not extend this commitment to accountability to your local community or your state or this country. Sure there will moments when someone else doesn’t accept accountability and want to blame others, maybe even you. Don’t let that stop you. This accountability thing works. Why not give it a try?

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The Answer my Friend Is Blowin in the Wind

The hiatus for writing the book is over. No, the book isn’t complete – it’s underway, and shifting slightly. The biggest challenge I have is not focusing my attention on what others will think of what I am writing. This is sometimes a subtle occurrence and sometimes very overt. Whatever its obviousness, it limits the creation and instead of a sunny day, I might end up with L.A. smog. Not the outcome I intended.  So, I am walking through all we have recorded to discard what doesn’t ring, and letting the rest show me how it’s best organized.

I have been missing daily heartful connection, so I said, time to get back to feeding my soul and connecting with you!

As I awoke this morning, I had the Bob Dylan song “Blowin’ in the Wind” in my virtual headset. I could hear Dylan’s raspy voice and haunting harmonica. I went to Itunes to listen to Dylan singing in his own voice, and I found so many layers of this song.

I was thinking of the great need to have answers to today’s challenges and I heard Dylan sing, “the answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind”. I was reminded that the answers to all great questions don’t come from my mind.  My mind is limited by what it knows and what I believe. Since that is only a fraction of all that is, why would I want to look there for my answers?

Where, then, do the true answers to questions great and small reside? I am not sure exactly of the answer to that. What I do know is that I can find the answer, without needing to know where it comes from or the details of how the process works.

Allowing answers to questions to show up without restraint, and as they are really needed, requires two qualities. The first is patience. I know how it is for me – I want what I want when I want it. The only problem with this is I’m not always ready to receive what I want when I want it. I can’t see all the consequences of receiving my answer now. Maybe it would better suit me to have it a bit later. So…patience.

The second quality is easy and hard. It’s easy because we are born with it. Every one of us is born with what we call an intuitive nature. We know there is more to the world than what we can see, hear, feel, touch and smell. We know that we get “gut feelings”. We know that when we don’t follow them, things don’t work out well.

Yet we ignore our inherent sense of knowing. Why? This is the hard part of the answer. Because we don’t trust what we can’t explain. So we let our logical sense, our limited world of the mind, override what is true.

Not the best way to find our way, so when you are faced with a question that you really want to know the answer to, you have to allow your intuition to be felt. You have to disregard that little voice that says, “but how do you really know?”.  It’s just the voice of the mind speaking, and it knows the truth.

Let me know what your experiences are.

Until later,

Thomas

An antidote for FEAR!

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
………..
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

This opening and closing of Mary Oliver’s poem Wild Geese awakened in me the music of the heart.

When I look over the blanket of fear that cloaks so many of us, I know that this fear isn’t real. It has been created in our minds without any consultation with the heart.

When I began writing this blog, I dreamed that it was a repository of the music of my heart, for my heart is the place where true guidance emerges. Guidance on living a passionate, fruitful life filled with service and abundance.

How can I say that the current fear is an illusion? Let’s say that I choose to join the millions of fearful Americans in their mood today. Would this fear be based upon what I am experiencing now, or what I am concerned I will experience in the future? The answer is that it is about the future.

If I were to simply look at the present moment and experience what I have, I would find no room for fear. I have a warm home, plenty of food, a warm family, I am doing what I love. Then what would I fear? I could fear that one day I may not have adequate money for my family’s needs. I could fear the loss of my home. I could fear harsh consequences for others in my family and community.

This fear is not real – it is not today’s reality. Putting my attention on it accomplishes two things. It changes my mood so that I don’t fully enjoy what I have now. It also can easily become a “self-fulfilling” prophecy. If I see a future filled with fearful experiences, it is very likely I will create those experiences.

Some may wonder if I am a person like Don Quixote, “tilting after windmills”. That hasn’t been my experience. I continuously focus myself on what is important right now. My guide is feeling what is true, what is so. This feeling is accessible when I remember to look with my heart.

What my heart reveals today is that great change is ahead. I can walk through this change in peacefulness. I know that I have all the resources I require as long as I remember to live in the present moment, not choosing to be distracted by the past or paralyzed with fear of the future.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, compassion, courage, Deliberateness, Determination, dotherightthing, Gratitude, humanity, integrity, Purpose, Self-sufficiency, simplicity, Truth, values, Wisdom

Are you lost?

Lost

Stand still.
The trees ahead and the bushes beside you Are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still.
The forest knows Where you are.
You must let it find you.

An old Native American elder story rendered into modern English by David Wagoner, in The Heart Aroused – Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America by David Whyte

Who am I?

Such a simple question and yet the answer is often unclear, vague or confusing. I have been spending time over the past few months reflecting on the next stage of life. In the background of this contemplation are the dramatic changes going on throughout the world. Much of what I thought was the “common sense” of how things work has proven to be incorrect.

One of the most powerful examples of a person who walked with certainty was the life of Mohandas Gandhi. A story that created a profound awakening in me was from Paramahansa Yogananda’s book, Autobiography of a Yogi. Yogananda visited Maganvadi, Gandhi’s ashram, and during one of his conversations with the father of modern India Yogananda asked, “May one not kill a cobra to protect a child, or one’s self?”

To which Gandhi answered, “I could not kill a cobra without violating two of my vows-fearlessness, and non-killing. I would rather try inwardly to calm the snake by vibrations of love. I cannot possibly lower my standards to suit my circumstances.” With his amazing candor, Gandhi added, “I must confess that I could not carry on this conversation were I faced by a cobra!”

I have read this story before and each time I would have some inner dialogue that started with, “yeah, but”. Surely I thought it is right to kill to protect. As I read this again over the past few days, I realize that Gandhi’s power to inspire both Indians and those around the world such as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela was because of his clarity of who he was and what he should for and his absolute commitment to deliberately live his values.

I also would say to myself, well that was Gandhi but I am a “mere mortal”. I can’t live a life like that. This simple and undermining belief has been a nemesis for much of my life. Why do I accept that I can’t, each day, begin anew the walk of my own truth? Why can’t I allow the purpose of my life and the values I hold dear to guide every thought, inform every choice and fill every action? No reason actually, except my fear of letting go of some things I think I need.

Could I, like Gandhi distribute all my wealth to the poor and live a life of simplicity and non-attachment? I don’t know. What I do know is that it is important for me to examine my foundation to make sure it is firm. The first stage of that requires impeccable honesty, courage and an open heart.

With that clarity, I then can clearly see what I am called to do. Then the real test of my determination will be presented. I will share the unfolding of this process with you.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: courage, Deliberateness, Determination, dotherightthing, inspiration, integrity, leadership, Passion, Purpose, Self, simplicity, success, Trust, Truth, values, Wisdom

The death of Jdimytai Damour Part II

As I unravel this situation in New York with the trampling death of Jdimytai Damour at the Green Acres Mall Wal-Mart in Valley Stream, NY, some other things trouble me. Before I get to that, an update from yesterday‘s post about the accountability of Wal-Mart. As of now, Wal-Mart has said they will provide someone to talk to us before the week is out. As soon as I get more from them, I will share it with you.

Now back to other concerns I have. Many people have commented on the “herd mentality“ of the shoppers that created the surge that crashed through the doors that Mr. Damour was pushing against on Friday morning. This herd was motivated by the “great deals“ that had been advertised.

Based upon numerous reports, many of the 2000, who waited impatiently outside Wal-Mart, were almost desperate for the stuff they wanted. In fact, several accounts state that shoppers would not leave the store when it was closed due to the trampling of Jdimytai and others. There were several shoppers quoted as saying, “I‘m not leaving until I got what I came for.“

When I think about this, it is easy for me to talk about “those people“. It is easy to have this be about fanatical folks who were brazen and uncaring. You know though, that is too easy. I have found that when there is some public outrage, one of the missing elements is a good self-examination by those who make the loudest protests.

Don‘t get me wrong. I am not saying that the behavior of the shoppers was OK. I am saying that this behavior is not acceptable. What I am also saying is that I have some accountability for this situation. No, I was not part of the crowd that was in Valley Stream. So my accountability is indirect, but no less important.

It is my sense that the energy that fueled this tragedy comes from the almost insatiable appetite for stuff. I find that I am living in a world where our success is measured by the amount and kind of stuff we have. Whether it is the car I drive or the TV I own or how manicured my lawn is or the set of threads I am wearing, I am measured by criteria that have nothing to do with who I am.

This desire for stuff has grown over the past thirty years. I remember Christmas in my home in California. It was a great experience. The kids got train sets that were made to last and the presents from the grandparents were not excessive. Things began changing as more and more consumer products infiltrated the market.

I also began to see changes in how we thought of the goods and services we offered. This included their durability, quality and “real“ value. Marketing of consumer products changed. A focus moved to creating desire in the buyer to have the latest, coolest product. This change has been documented in places like Naomi Klein‘s book, No Logo.

The impact has been both obvious and subtle. The obvious part is that we acquire so much for which we are not clear of the long term value. We believe we must have products so that we will be happy. We all know how fleetingly satisfying this desire is, and yet we go down to the mall and participate.

I can see how unconscious I become when I am in a well-laid out store. Merchandise is almost calling to me like the long ago sirens of Homer’s Odyssey. I have to practice intense self-control to leave certain stores with only what I intended. My participation in this system is the beginning of my accountability for the death of Jdimytai Damour.

It continues with my not speaking up now that I know how the system works. I am not a persuasive advocate for buyers to be deliberate. I know there is so much more that I can do to help change the system that not only leads to consumer insanity like Mr. Damour‘s death, but to the depletion of some of the most precious resources on the planet.

The subtle part of the impact is how we act in other arenas. This mindset of ‘more’ and ‘want’ drives most of our corporate leaders. They feel that they must grow at almost any cost to be successful. I am accountable for Jdimytai‘s death because I gladly took consulting fees from companies that are fueling rampant consumerism.

I also see the subtle impact at home. My children get obsessed with things. They must have stuff or they are not happy. Then they get it and they quickly discard it for some other stuff. In the past I have silently sat by and let this unfold without questioning the acceptability of this behavior. At times, it seems daunting to make a stand when so many around me seem to believe that the way of stuff is the way that it’s supposed to be.

As you can see, I have been deeply impacted by Jdimytai Damour death. It inspires me to action and strengthens my resolve.

Until later,

Thomas

Get out of my way!

I was looking out the window of the rental car bus as we were coming into first stop at the American Airlines terminal at San Jose International. As the bus slowed, I watched a man who was sitting down the bench from me jump up and start towards where the luggage was stored.. When the bus came to a stop, he stepped on the foot of the man across from me and then pushed aside a woman who was standing in front of his luggage.

I looked at this man’s face and realized that he didn’t have any idea of the physical harm he was causing. His eyes were focused and his jaw was set. This got me to thinking about all the times that I have an agenda and simply don’t have any idea of the impact my actions have on all those around me.

I can make up a great story about how important what I am doing is but the real truth is that I am just like this guy getting his luggage. I don’t care about anyone else. I can understand why my wife will complain in her gentle way that sometimes maybe I am not paying attention. There are so many examples of where I am distracted and lose touch with what I am doing and who I am affecting.

So I am grateful to the guy who pushed his way to get his luggage today and I am resolved to contain judgments of people who seem to be mindlessly walking through life and cause me and others some inconvenience.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: Awareness, Deliberateness, Wisdom

And then I wept

I grew up in north Louisiana in the 50s and 60s. The town I lived in was really two towns, the white town and the black town. In some ways, I was mostly isolated from this divide. I did hear adults talking about blacks in ways that I couldn’t understand and I just let it pass.

This all changed in 1965. In response to the Civil Rights act of 1964, the federal court ordered my high school integrated. At first, I didn’t really know what that meant. As the day for the arrival of the black students approached, I remember a conversation with my father. He warned me that he would “kick my ass” if he heard that I talked to these new students. I then knew that something serious was happening.

The day arrived. Several boys and girls were bussed to our school. I could feel their uncertainty and fear as they entered the building. It was as if hundreds of eyes were examining them. They were stepping into a place where for the most part they weren’t welcome.

What did I do? I allowed fear to be my guide. There were many moments when I felt the urge to connect with them in some way. Yet, I did nothing. I was frozen. I have never forgotten that time and the embarrassment I felt because I let my fear keep my feet frozen and my mouth closed.

Tonight I remembered that time again. I never thought that a black man would be elected president when those students entered my high school 43 years ago. I watched tonight as Jessie Jackson, standing in Grant Park in Chicago, held an America flag and allowed tears to flow down his face. I watched as thousands and thousands of people gathered to hear our next President speak. They were young and old. They were from all social strata. They were black and white and Hispanic and Asian.

I then listened with rapt attention to President-elect Obama call us to a higher purpose. A purpose that knows there is never something for nothing. A purpose that says we have to work together for mutuality rather than personal gain alone. A purpose that believes the power of creation is within us and not given to us by someone else.

As I watched, tears erupted. I felt the old shame arise from my complicity in the oppression of blacks. I felt the journey out of this darkness has taken a giant leap. I felt an inner call to dedicate my life to inspiring and supporting everyone in finding their clarity of purpose, inner power of creation and determination for living in harmony. I felt that NOW is the time for speaking up and boldly acting.

I am filled with gratitude and resolve.

Until later,
Thomas