Time to Remember What’s Important!

Have you ever looked around in your life and wondered, “where did all the time go?” I found myself having that experience yesterday afternoon. I was talking to someone who is overseeing how I communicate in the world of social media. I suggested she attract people to read this blog. While we were talking she said, “Oh, I see you haven’t posted since last October”. Ouch..

I’ve been involved in a “startup” business and falling into my old patterns of how busy I am. The startup mentality (at least the one that I learned) is that everything in your life is put on hold to get the business started.

Now I haven’t quite followed the old script. I have been busier than normal, but my family is not being ignored (althougth I’m sure they are feeling less attention). Other aspects of my life have been taking a hit, though, when I live out of the way of the past.

As I’ve drifted into this pattern, I stopped writing. Sure, I’m writing all kinds of things for the new business. You know, the important stuff like business plans, presentations and marketing material. It’s not the same.

I miss stopping what else is going on and wondering. Wondering about what makes life tick and why I am happy or not. I ponder questions of big and small scope. In these times of reflection and the writing that come from them, I learn so much. I’ve missed both the learning and connecting with you.

So the drought is over. I’m back at the keyboard, pondering and feeling and writing. Some of you have written and encouraged me to resume posting. To those of you who proded, Thank you.

Until tomorrow.

Thomas

More about the cup half empty, half full

We have all heard the adage, the cup is either half empty or half full. If you are like me, you say, “Sure I understand what that means.” What I notice is that the more I study something like this phrase, the more I get out of it. In our modern world, we have a tendency to read something once, hopefully in an abbreviated form, and believe we have extracted the essence of the message or lesson.

This is inconsistent with how we learn. We learn through repetition. If you are learning a new physical activity, I have heard it said that competence is attained at 1000 repetitions and mastery begins with 10,000 repetitions. If you talk with professional or Olympic athletes, and ask about their training regimen, you will see the validity of this. Even the greats, like basketball’s Michael Jordan, are the first to arrive on the practice court and the last to leave.

Today, Twitter has become a very popular means to communicate, albeit in 140 characters or less. Recent surveys reveal the popularity of texting versus email among teens and young adults. I’m not saying any of these innovations in communications are bad. I am suggesting that they not be the exclusive realm of our communication, or the mindset of brevity will exclusively become our way of life.

There is so much richness that can’t be revealed in a single observation, reading, viewing or conversation. One of my favorite books is The Alchemist. I have read this book over fifty times. Each time, I find something new that I would swear wasn’t there the past times I’ve read it. Rather than moving on to the next thing, I am finding it valuable to deepen my understandings with what’s already in my life.

Which brings me back to the cup being half empty or half full. As I was gazing over our back yard this morning, I had the thought that in the midst of this saying is a universal truth that is more profound than I realized. If I take the perspective that the cup is half empty, everything I look at is insufficient – my relationships, my home, my job, my income, my life.

This feeling of insufficiency is the root cause of resentment that can envelop everything. I remember feeling dissatisfied in a personal relationship. As my angst grew, I spent time enrolling others (including a therapist) in why my life sucked, and it was all the fault of the woman. I am particularly persuasive, so I had a number of believers in my story. Now, this support is short-lived, because it’s based upon a false belief. That belief is that you, or someone or something else, are the cause of why my cup is half-full.

Seeing the world as insufficient leads me to the conclusion that I’m ultimately powerless. After all, there are so many factors that are out of my control, how could I possible create anything. I just do the best I can. Feel the despair in that!

Tomorrow I’ll talk about the lessons of the cup is half full.

What do you do when you hit a speedbump at 70 MPH?

I’m having such a great time with the abundance that’s arrived. As each new crop begins to grow or mature, I feel its potential. Wow, what I’ve always wanted! Some of the new businesses that are part of this garden are happening so easily that the little voice wonders, “When’s the shoe going to drop?”.

As I was watching that question arise again today, I realized that there is a deeper wondering that is asking for my attention. It is, “How do you make sure you don’t get lost in all the excitement?” Oh, I can feel my tendency to move around from new creation to new creation. I’m not giddy, but I’m distracted all the same.

Writing has become a sacred companion. It serves my growing awareness of myself and helps me keep perspective of what’s real and not. So, when I let it go without any consideration, I’m abandoning my commitment to remembering who I am and why I’m here. I know, from past experiences, this doesn’t produce very good outcomes.

Good reminder that there’s something more important than the fruits of my garden – ME. If I lose myself while the garden blooms, whose going to be around to enjoy it? Certainly not ME. I’m not going to ignore the garden, just remember its place and feel the joy of allowing my fingers to move across this keyboard and rejoin you in conversation.

Are you Awake?

Some years ago, I was a student of Richard Strozzi Heckler. Richard is extraordinary. He is a 6^th degree Aikido black belt, has a PhD in clinical psychology and is one of the founding spirits of modern Somatics. I was in his dojo one summer afternoon with 30 fellow students. Lunch was delicious, and many of us ate more than necessary. Most of the class was in a dozing kind of mood.

Richard entered the dojo, and we assembled around him in a circle. He immediately sensed our inattention. Richard suggested we consider we were sitting on a very narrow precipice. Below us was a long drop. Our sitting perch was only as big as our bottoms. If we teetered in any direction, we were certain to fall to our death.

Immediately the class’ attention went to full alert. In the 15 years since that summer afternoon, I bring that experience back when I feel I’m drifting. Richard’s point that day was that every moment calls us to full alert. When we drift because our body is out of harmony or our thoughts are about something other than the present moment or our actions aren’t deliberate, we are missing the aliveness that is always present.

As a leader, in whatever way you choose, remember you are always called to be alert, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What… Work on a Saturday?

It’s Saturday, and I’m writing. A month ago, when I put my head down and decided to write consistently in this Blog, the inner dialogue said something like, “Five days a week is enough of a jump for you. You haven’t been able to keep up a consistent rhythm of writing for years.” That made sense to me so, I committed to writing five days a week.

A few days ago, I was replaying this inner conversation and realized there was a flaw. I mean, do I breathe only five days a week or eat five days a week (more about eating next week)? Of course not! I do have a mindset about writing being work. It’s what I do when I’m not having fun. Hmm..I thought, “but I’m enjoying writing and it’s as much a part of who I am as anything else. “

That cracked the ice and more beliefs that are like this one have come up for review. For instance, I have the belief that I must spend less time with my family during the “work week” because, well, I’m working and work is a 9 to 5 (or longer) sort of thing”. What a trap that belief is.

I already have my own business and I can set whatever schedule I want. So I’m letting this old programming define my life. That seems ridiculous. I hear a lot of inner noise when I write this. “Don’t let your wife see this. She will want to change everything about what you do.”  (editor’s note: what makes you think that SW)Also vying for my attention is, “How can you take care of your financial commitments with this stupid idea?” There’s a lot more going on, but you get the picture.

Regardless of these distracting voices, I’m going to approach my days (whatever day it may be) with deliberateness. I will allow whatever feels right to be where I put my attention. I don’t know what will happen to the concerns voiced, but I’m going to give it a go and let you know.

Until later,

Remembering

I noticed that I put off writing today. I was very busy, you know. I have important things to do. I heard that story go on for hours and then I asked myself, “what the hell is going on here?” Oh, I don’t want to stop and reflect. I want to be like the robot, who is programmed to be busy all the time.

So stop I did and look out at the stream and the gray sky. The music the family is listening to travels in and I remember there are others in this world other than me. I don’t know if you have the same experience, but it’s so easy to forget what I said was important this morning.

I’m glad I remembered before the day is over, and now I write this poem. Poetry is the music that gives me perspective and a reminder that what’s real is seldom what I think.

Remembering

Sometimes it’s just a few words or a smell or a glance that brings everything to a halt.
I don’t know where they originate or their timing. They surprise.

The only thing is, I miss most of them. I’m cruising along as fast as my mind can travel
and there is so little else that I notice. I move deeper into my maze of thoughts.

I forget the moment when time last stopped. I overlooked your kindness just last night.
I only see the cold when the sun has been shining all day.

I blink and when I next look in to the mirror, I wonder what happened. Who is this
strange man looking at me? He seems so sad.

Is it too late to remember to stop and feel the breeze or taste the rain or feel your touch?
Maybe not; perhaps it just takes remembering what’s real.

Thomas

What is your Compass?

A while back, I found that I seemed to have lost my compass. At the end of my work day, I wasn’t feeling particularly satisfied. Feeling more like I was a cog in the machine of getting things done.

As the weeks unfolded, I was not finding any joy in what I was doing, and it was affecting everything around me. What could I do? I tried a series of self-help programs that did have some impact on my mood and how I felt about myself. Still I felt that something was off.

What I began to realize is that I really didn’t have any purpose. You know, what was the point of this life. I was like many. I wanted to be successful. As part of my self-discovery process, I found that the motivation for my success was to prove to my father that I was better than he was, more than because it would give meaning to my life.

Over the next few years, I was able to clarify my purpose. This became my compass. I use this compass, when I remember, to navigate through the choices I face each day. It helps me determine what’s important and what’s a distraction.

The value of living this way led me to develop a program called Living on Purpose, so that I could help others find their compass as well.  This was rewarding work, and it helped folks bring meaning to their lives.

I also found this program to be just as useful to organizations. One of the challenges in organizations is having a shared framework for decisions. Many businesses have well articulated vision and mission statements. These are good, as far as they go. What they don’t answer is why we are in business.

For many, the answer might be to “maximize shareholder value”. These are code words for “make as much money as we can”. This isn’t sustainable and will always lead to disappointment. Finding the organization’s purpose is the most important initiative a leader can undertake.

It is this purpose that drives everything. It supports attracting great people. It encourages imagination and passion. It serves as a rallying point for its customers and partners.  Two famous Internet companies, Google and Facebook, have very clear publicly disclosed purposes. These purposes are about creating greater understanding between people.

Having clear purposes doesn’t mean that they are followed by the individual or organization all the time. It means that they have a compass to check-in with to see if they are following what they know to be their right path. If they find they are off-course, they can bring themselves back into alignment with their purpose.

If you find you want to know more about how to find your purpose or that of your organization, drop me a note.

Until Later,

Thomas

Poetry in Business

Since my original interview with poet David Whyte, I have brought this conversation back for renewed listening at least once a year. David is a most unusual man. He was trained as a marine zoologist and found his heart in the words that flow from his soul.

Why David is unusual is that he brings the muse of poetry to awaken corporate leaders to their inner courage and creativity. He offers this rich context to the inner sanctums of organizations large and small and, as a teacher, to places of business learning including Oxford.

I know you will find a pleasant knock of the door of “aha” moments should you listen to this 2008 interview.

Listen to this conversation | Download MP3

Just One More Thing!

Recently, I was reminded by my wife that one of my greatest challenges comes from pretending to be who I already am because I forget who I am.

Almost sounds like double-talk doesn’t it? What she was pointing out was that I have a whole lot of beliefs about who I am not that obscure seeing myself clearly. The consequences run the gambit from arrogance, to false humility, to giving away my talents to prove I have value.

Part of these phenomena is that I feel that who I am isn’t enough. You know, not smart enough, talented enough, rich enough, connected enough, handsome enough. What I’m actually putting my attention on is who I am not. It leads to behavior I call the “just one more thing”.

Say that I feel I am not quite talented enough to do the work that I love. I believe that if I acquire this one more skill, I will fill the missing hole and then be fully qualified.  Similarly, I could find myself feeling that I’m not a great husband, and this might lead my wife to want to check out (not what she ever thinks). The “just one more thing” behavior encourages me to engage in praise-worthy behavior for her to see what a great husband I am.

I know that the feeling of not being enough is something that most of us experience. We look around and compare ourselves to those we feel are better than us. This comparison leads to great suffering and an incorrect view of who we are. I unknowingly establish criteria of who I should be. These criteria become my standard view of the world as I consider my opinion of others and myself.

Extend this misunderstanding to the business world. I can easily see others as rivals because they posses some abilities I wish I had. Through my lens of self-deception, I never see the true picture. I make decisions from this distorted perspective and, more times than not, choose incorrectly.

The simple truth is that each of us has abilities and inner gifts that exceed anything we believe about ourselves. Not remembering or seeing this clearly limits what is possible and leads to relationships that are not fulfilling, work that is unsatisfying and a life that is far less than what it could be.

Today, I walk outside, into the sunny afternoon not worrying about the potential of frost that will nip the new buds. I walk outside simply appreciating the amazing day today is. I also remember the amazing person who is experiencing this day and remember there is never a need for “just one more thing”.

Until tomorrow,
Thomas

Digging Deep

I write another blog on deliberateness. I just completed a posting on addiction. I talk about my own experience with addiction to computer technology and the Internet.

You can find out more here.

Until later,

Thomas